the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
