batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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