He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
