What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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