Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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