Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
