nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
