So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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