haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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