Duck Duck Cougar?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
