His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
