i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
