apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
that's an acceptable place to lick
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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