I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize