K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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