So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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