Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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