'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
