I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
