can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
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Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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