Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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