just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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