she takes plan B like it's going out of style
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
