All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
