Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
