From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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