Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
