Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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