dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
