the new term for farting is butt boxing.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
