I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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