I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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