I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
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Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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