So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
