As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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