She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
