he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize