Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
