I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize