Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
