are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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