Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
