I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
