nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
