I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
In America we eat man semen.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize