Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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