i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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