we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
