There was a lot of him and a little penis
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
