I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
