you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
