new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
