i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I touched a dick in church today
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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