Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize