Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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