You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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