I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize