walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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