Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
