I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
