you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
