Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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