I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
