If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
