3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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