Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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