The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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