i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
