You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
