I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
