Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize